Archive of ‘dear blog’ category

Dear blog: First week of internship

imageSo first week of internship is now over, and man has it been a tough week for me.
Now I like to have some sense of order and that I get from getting information from the start. But here the information comes after I’ve done something making me constantly feel stupid and useless. Even though it’s not really my fault since I didn’t know anything I still feel bad about it and the feelings last throughout the day.

First day went by pretty smoothly, but since I was completely alone (last time I had this woman from school with me as support) and it’s scary like hell. Luckily it’s a another intern there at the same time as me so I have someone who’s just as lost as me. Which is very nice.

The first incident happen Tuesday. I had just poured cacao powder into the cauldron and the speed was a little to high so I just slowed it down a bit until the powder had been somewhat set into the rest of the dough. But instead of slowing it down I speed it up (at school our machines is the other way around with the speed and that’s what I’m used to) and I got cacao powder all over me. It didn’t help that the other intern started to laugh at me and the tears started coming (and the sniffles came too) *sigh*.

After that thing went wrong many times a day and my energy became less after every turn. It began to feel like I wasn’t meant for this, and every time something went wrong I started to pull away and going into ‘survival mode’. It didn’t help that the other intern and one of the other workers always talks all the time, leaving me out.
It’s not because I’m shy, because they asks each other questions that they can asks me to. It’s not like any of them is super personal. This leaves me feeling like social mess and super boring…
So I got three more weeks, but I have no idea how I will manage to survive without breaking. And it’s not something I can get out of, I’m forced to do four weeks of internship and if not at this place then at somewhere else (and that place might not be any better).

Hope you all had a better week than me.

♥ Caroline

Dear blog: A good day

imageThis is my first personal diary-ish entry on here. Mostly I tell my life through different random stories and such.
But what I’ve been through today just made me feel like I just wanted to share a good day with you all.

Since I study to become a pastry chef I need to have internship at bakeries and starting on Monday I will go out on a four week internship.
So today was the day to visit the place I’m gonna be at, and I was so fricking nervous.
I’m not very good at meeting new people and this wasn’t just a casual meeting. No this place is one of best bakery in the county and I was terrified that I would make a completely fool of myself. That they wouldn’t want me there at all, leaving me an huge failure.

It didn’t help that my brother who was supposed to come with me, had to go on a meeting at the exactly same time, leaving me all alone to deal with this.
On my way to the bakery I tried to think positive and give myself a good peptalk.

Happily it did go very well. I got to know all the details, managed to be both positive and somewhat social, plus didn’t say something wrong or fall on the ground (it had happen).

I was so happy that it had gone so well that I awarded myself with an large Caramel frapino while waiting on my buss. In the bright sunlight it was the perfect award to give my self esteem a huge hug.
You know that you’re feeling kind of good when you ride by a sign saying ‘The lowest point’ and thinking to yourself “Not anymore”.
Today was a good day 🙂

♥ Caroline