Dear blog: First week of internship

imageSo first week of internship is now over, and man has it been a tough week for me.
Now I like to have some sense of order and that I get from getting information from the start. But here the information comes after I’ve done something making me constantly feel stupid and useless. Even though it’s not really my fault since I didn’t know anything I still feel bad about it and the feelings last throughout the day.

First day went by pretty smoothly, but since I was completely alone (last time I had this woman from school with me as support) and it’s scary like hell. Luckily it’s a another intern there at the same time as me so I have someone who’s just as lost as me. Which is very nice.

The first incident happen Tuesday. I had just poured cacao powder into the cauldron and the speed was a little to high so I just slowed it down a bit until the powder had been somewhat set into the rest of the dough. But instead of slowing it down I speed it up (at school our machines is the other way around with the speed and that’s what I’m used to) and I got cacao powder all over me. It didn’t help that the other intern started to laugh at me and the tears started coming (and the sniffles came too) *sigh*.

After that thing went wrong many times a day and my energy became less after every turn. It began to feel like I wasn’t meant for this, and every time something went wrong I started to pull away and going into ‘survival mode’. It didn’t help that the other intern and one of the other workers always talks all the time, leaving me out.
It’s not because I’m shy, because they asks each other questions that they can asks me to. It’s not like any of them is super personal. This leaves me feeling like social mess and super boring…
So I got three more weeks, but I have no idea how I will manage to survive without breaking. And it’s not something I can get out of, I’m forced to do four weeks of internship and if not at this place then at somewhere else (and that place might not be any better).

Hope you all had a better week than me.

♥ Caroline